“First heal the wounded heart, then go beyond ego”

In another one of those experiences when the right teaching appears at the right time, this morning I watched a video of an interview of Tsoknyi Rinpoche, by David Rome who is a Senior Fellow at the Garrison Institute. The interview spoke to the ‘uniqueness” of teaching Western students and how we come with our own hangups due to our education, how we were raised or various conditions in our lives. Tsoknyi Rinpoche speaks to the stress we bring to our practice in the ingrained sense that we need to amount to something like a doctor or lawyer or the need to make our parents proud. This makes us efficient pupils of Buddhism but we don’t have the basic spark of childlike wisdom. Add into this the concept of ‘non-self’ and we start to get a bit flakey.

He further distinguishes that some practitioners have a ‘wounded heart’ and before getting into the nitty-gritty of the practices of no-self, they need to first heal their wounded hearts. Tsoknyi Rinpoche speaks to the use of mindfulness to do this and to bring unconditional loving kindness into the mix.

In my last therapy session, it was recommended that I relax, show myself some lovingkindness and get back to my Hinayana roots in order to work with a massive amount of heartbreak that I’m feeling over a serious illness in my family. When I first heard the news of this situation, I flailed and started to panic and searched for teachings that were a bit harder to digest than what my current psychological state could take. I felt that reciting the Heart Sutra or reading books on the bardos at this point was only opening a huge wound, whereas I needed to slow down, be more patient and find some space to rest in the situation.

My panic attacks have subsided. My mental agony over this situation is still there, but it’s diminished and isn’t manifesting itself as much as it was. I have a bit more perspective and I see that the time I have my my family member is very precious and to be in the present moment rather than think about what pessimistic little me sees as a whole world of pain and misery.

It’s not easy but taking this time of loving-kindness has helped me to be more aware and less frantic and disjointed from my suffering. I’m better able to face my fears, my habits, my aggression and basic goodness… my tender and gentle heart.