Death cab for Cutie :: Tonight I almost died-ed

Tonight on my way to Rigpe Dorje for the first session of talks by Venerable Drupon Khenpo Lodro Namgyal on Buddhist View, Meditation and Action I decided to hop in a taxi to speed me off to the centre.

As the driver did a u-turn in the middle of my street, I had a big lump of fear grow in the centre of my chest. He was driving a bit erratic for the snow-slicked streets and I noticed this after not even a minute of being in the car. He tried pumping his brakes as we headed down the hill and I felt my fear grow. He wasn’t driving with snow tires. This is akin to me on a snowboard - unstoppable and much like a greasy footed Fred Flintstone on a butter glazed bowling lane.

We rounded a corner and did a full 360 and headed for a concrete beam supporting the massive overpass. Spinning around, I saw a car headed for us in the rear window and it fortunately slowed down in time. Luckily we didn’t hit the wall. Shaken up, I got out of the car, lost a mitten and walked home, barfing out of shock.

To take the edge of of the anger I felt for the reckless cabbie, the disappointment I felt that I missed the session I wanted to attend, the wish for all people who drive to be a bit more mindful, the missing of the lost mitten - yada yadda yada… I did some readings from my Nalandabodhi homework. The readings came from Khenpo Tsultrim Gyamtso Rinpoche’s book “Progressive Stages of Meditation on Emptiness” and did much to dissolve my anger. I’m by no means an expert on karma and am only beginning to dip my toe into an analysis of such a weighty concept, but a sense of peace came over me as I attributed the action of the accident as not being entirely the fault of the cabbie who was at the receiving end of my wrath due to the stupidity or uncaring nature that I projected onto him. I saw him as a being who was trying to make a living and scrape by. He may not have been able to afford winter tires so I breathed in his pain and suffering rather than just dwelling in my feelings.

Things happen all the time. Mistaken appearances are acted upon. They cause us unnecessary fears.

What reality do we choose to dwell in?