In Buddhism, we are presented with the bitter pill of gulping down that suffering is a part of life. Some of us face it as the truth while others turn away in fright or continue to numb ourselves from this reality.

It struck me how our death manifests in itself so much of our personality- as how we travel through our lives is similar to how we face the truth of death when it presents itself. My aunt preferred to communicate via a series of journals rather than to open up her pain to the world, whereas I twitter, blog and note on facebook every single headache, misfortune or celebration that comes my way.

Death and life are intertwined and interconnected.

We all display such humanity and courage in how we live- and how we die, whether we are conscious and aware of it or not.

To my aunt, you were brave in your silence and you will be missed greatly.

I’m predicting a porno Buddhist vs Urban Monk showdown any minute now? Maybe I’m projecting…

Me? My thoughts? Well I’m more of a middle-way kind of gal. In the Maritimes, when I first got interested in Buddhism, I was always surrounded by white, middle class boomers who seems so much more so intimidating and advanced along the path to a young pup such as myself. Fast forward to Montreal and the same experience holds true except perhaps a few more ‘kids’ sprinkled around on the zafus.

In terms of experiences, at first there seemed to be many differences. I didn’t have a mortgage, a car or any kids in my life. They didn’t hang out at punk shows, didn’t find Jackass very funny and couldn’t see the appeal in body modification or dyed tomato red hair.

Fast forward again to this past year and the time I spend in the ‘One Year to Live’ course I recently completed. Age range was from 30something (me) all the way up to +80.

The diversity and separateness amongst the others in the group was cut from the instant we sat together in shared silence and then as we opened our hearts to one another’s stories or joy, pain, loss, sadness, fears, love, anger…

There was no separation – only that which existed in our minds. Our hearts were no different. We all experienced love and kindness for one another that transcended age and experiences.

To read more on the Urban Monks thoughts about keeping the dharma real, check out The Urban Monk – No cafeteria Buddhism

There always seems to be so much to do. So many books to read, movies to see, weddings to plan, work to do, activities to go to, so on and so on. If this had been my last year, I’m not so sure if I did such a great job at slowing down and enjoying my final days. I did however, live with passion and decrease the amount of aggression and pain in my life. Step by step, I’m becoming more patient with myself in being a lazy mediator and a grade B dharma student and there is a refreshing calm that comes from not putting so much pressure on myself and just being in the moment.

Engaging in the One Year program was the best decision I made last January. As dragged down and lost I was, I’m glad I participated and faced death straight on. I learned so much about myself and bonded with the small group of women who participated in this journey with me.

I still have so many questions about death and dying as well as plans to be made (putting off writing the will and still can’t decide on whether I want a DNR order or not) I’m still attached to this body and cling desperately to this life but I feel much more comfort and trust in the process of dying more than I ever did. Dying is as natural as living. What could be more exhilarating?

This month is about letting go of attachment to possessions and I’m hoping to do a big clean up of my surroundings. Bankers boxes and recycling bags are staring me down.

Reducing clinging and attachment. Let’s see how this one goes.