I think in my case, I came to Buddhism out of feeling like I’ve already exhausted all of the escape mechanisms for fleeing from suffering. I knew that I couldn’t really continue feeling the panic, sadness, frustration, fear, jealousy and perpetuate anger against others and myself. Having a little taste of compassion for myself broke my heart when I knew I had to make some serious decisions.

The thought of freedom can be so frightening, but what’s life without risk. Why wait until it’s too late.

NOW!

I’m taking adult learning classes in French these days and it is certainly a marked change from my days in university. The school itself is run down and has walls painted yellow which supposedly make you psychotic, and red which supposedly make you angry. Needless to say, my time in school ticks away like 3000 kalpas. No one particularly enjoys the class and several dramas have erupted which make my time there unbearable (open aggression towards others, lack of mutual respect… I could go on and on…).

We all have the vision in mind of our perfect teacher(s). The one that marked easy and passed us through high school Math (thank my Mrs. Edges). The one that attached a heartfelt note featuring a quote from Robert Frost’s poem “The Road not Taken” after reading a book report I wrote in sixth grade about a drug addicted, suicidal character. (thank you Mr. Peter). The one who pushed me to write more than I ever thought my little fourth grade hand and imagination could believe (thank you Mrs. Muir). No doubt this is the same with our Buddhist teachers. Serene. Wise. Disciplined. Egoless. We all have some idea of what we think validates the title ‘teacher’

In preparing for teaching my first meditation classes, I was scared poopless. I kept imagining all those eyes on me. Judging little eyes. Wondering what credentials I had to help them calm their minds. Who the heck am I to sit up her on my throne ahem – gomden and tell people that I’ve discovered the way to relieve samsaric attachments when I myself am off rubbing samsaric attachment all over me, drinking it in, stomping in the skandhas?

My mind was doing the majority of the judging of my self and my capacity to express wisdom and compassion.

Shhhhhhh….. That’s the sound of patience. The sound of generosity flowing towards myself and to those new students who are on shaky legs after sitting for what seems like 3000 kalpas in silence with themselves.

We are no different from each other. Teacher and student. We are both learning. We are both teaching.

*This post was inspired by Barbara O’Brien’s Buddhist Blog and the post “When Teachers aren’t Perfect”. There’s also some great discussion going on in the comments section that’s worth checking out.

I love blogging. You see, when I was but a wee sapling, I used to create zines to share my interest in punk music. I loved the community that came out of creating something that people loved to share and comment on. No ego. No posturing. Just sharing and growing. That mentality has always stuck with me throughout my life.

Daily, I pour through blog posts that fill my RSS reader and marvel at the creativity, honesty, simplicity, intelligence and raw passion that comes out in the bloggers that I follow. Conversations that come out of the posts, while not a replacement for face to face, sangha discussions, often help me to further question the dharma, teachers and samsaric indulgences that I’m privy to.

Much like the Utne Reader which states its mandate is to “deliver daily digests of the best in independent ideas and alternative culture”, I look at the Blogisattva Awards as delivering a similar service. I’m not a big fan of creating a hierarchy, but I am supportive of anything that helps to recognize those who are dedicating their time and energy to share their knowledge and interest in Buddhism with others via blogging. I promise to be impartial and transparent.

Be sure to head over to the Blogisattva website and share your opinions. Nominate someone for the People’s Choice award. Revel in the clothing malfunctions that come along with the awards ceremony. Oh and don’t forget to add your blog to the blog directory.

Check out the trailer here:

4 Paths to Peace: Inspiration from the Dalai Lama (Trailer) from Cache Film & Television on Vimeo.

I often feel like my ready, willing and able acceptance of digital dharma and online communities sometimes gets me further away from the meat of my practice and study, as it can be much more interesting to read first person accounts of their challenges of being a bodhisattva in a mosh pit as opposed to rubber to the road / ass to cushion sessions and reading the materials recommended by my particular tradition.

Don’t get me wrong, I see a great value in online Buddhism, but can see it’s various pitfalls but like a mirror reflecting my nature, it allows me to see those habitual tendencies of laziness, jealousy and idle chatter. *shakes fist at monitor*

I grew up online. I have a great respect for what can be done when communities assemble in the online space. I also have been hurt online and have seen many people get hurt in the space. This happens in ‘meat-space’ too but perhaps the anonymity of being behind a computer can make us more likely to be arseholes. Studies suggest maybe.

A quote I particularly like from Dzogen Ponlop Rinpoche is

“The Buddhadharma is like genuine water, which has no color or shape. It is pure and natural. This is genuine wisdom. All the world’s different languages and cultures are like the container for this water. Without the container, the water cannot be preserved. Without water, there’s not much use for the container. The container may change from language to language and from culture to culture, but the essence of the water is always the same — something we share universally. That essence is the words of wisdom, the words of the Buddha. The container is only a support to allow us to receive and enjoy the contents, the authentic Buddhadharma.”

I think that blogs, forums and online communities are in essence, new containers for this wisdom but it’s worth using discriminating wisdom to ensure that you are drinking or pouring from the right cup.

Buddha tea bowl - found on etsy

For starters, I wrapped up level 5 of 7 levels of French courses that I’ve been taking for the past few months. I have somewhat of a basic knowledge of French having grown up in ‘Canada’s only bilingual province’ – New Brunswick. I had taken classes at a university but it was only on a weekly basis so nothing really stuck in my head for any length of time and I never felt like I was able to get a grasp on French grammar. I must say that being back in school daily has done wonders for my one-pointed concentration and am happy to say that I received a certificate today noting my ‘diligence’ in applying myself to the course work. Yay gold star!

Secondly, we’ve got a new mutt in our house and training him has been a bit stress inducing. We’re trying to remain patient with him while we work through his separation anxiety, but I can’t help but feel like I perpetually smell like dog pee. Quite often, in my moments of frustration, I look at this wise little furry bodhisattva who is showing me that I need to chill out, not get so upset and realize that all this will pass and his fears of being left alone will disappear like the scent of dog vomit on a carpet in the early morning breeze.

And other than that, I’m a serial blogger. I started a new blog where I’ll be spending some time over the next few weeks yanging on about the annual Fantasia International Film Festival. If you’re interested in cinema, Asian films, horror, anime or anything of that sort, then do check it out.

I sure want to see this…

Sounds Like a Revolution – HD Trailer from Deltatime Productions on Vimeo.

I urge urge urge you to watch Heidi Minx’s six part interview with Palden Gyatso as it demonstrates the ultimate level of patience and compassion that a monk has displayed after being imprisoned and tortured by the Chinese government. Palden Gyatso spent 33 years in Chinese prisons and labor camps and suffered terribly. Having an electric rod jammed into his mouth, his teeth are fake. He’s covered in scares from beatings, being hung and kneeling on glass.

Of his experience, he states, “I accumulated this karma, I must experience it. The conditions were provided by China- the main causes were caused by me. When I experienced my suffering, I knew that it was minimal in comparison to that of other people.”

You can check out all the videos that are a part of this interview via this link or via Heidi’s website