A break from book reviewing
I’m reading more than ever, but not the kind of books I’ve been traditionally spending time with. For a while I was spending time reading and commenting on the latest Buddhist reads circling around the publishing world. It was enjoyable and I was able to satisfy my love of reading this way.
Then some realizations started to hit me.
- Am I reading books that fulfill me?
- What is my intention or purpose in reading/reviewing so many books? Is this a goal-oriented behavior at play?
So I’m now letting go. A digital pile has started of books that I won’t be reviewing. I’m fine with this – despite what my “Type A, gotta do it, gotta get to it, you are a failure for not keeping up” self says. The book hoarder in me is also feeling a bit lost.
I’m becoming more mindful of what books I’ve decided to focus my attention on. The result is that I’ve been having a zillion Oprah ‘Ah ha’ moments after reading a passage in a book that I needed to read in that very moment. I’ve been finishing a book and realizing that I’ve highlighted every single line! I’ve wept over my Kindle. I’ve felt my heart open. I’ve photographed pieces of paragraphs that resonated and used them as screensavers. I’m a much more passionate reader given this new perspective.
A few weeks ago, I was talking with my therapist about my tendency to not want to step into the spotlight, but to prefer the stories of others and share their experiences.
“Hey look at the bravery of this guy! He’s admitting he’s fucked up and getting help. I love this!”
“Oh wow. Check out the compassion that they displayed in this YouTube clip.”
“Wanna check out a link to a great blog by a girl who is living her life through reviewing the books of other people because she is in so much pain, depressed as shit and is so scared to bare her own life and story out of fear of rejection, trolling, failure and an overall wish to not be seen?”
I’m rediscovering quite a bit these days and for those of you who initially followed this blog because it came from someone who was trying to dip a toe in being more authentic, more present, more honest… well… I’m back.
For the book reviews, I’m sure there are loads of great sites to check out. Here are a few suggestions.