My first time….
So I asked on this blog if people remembered the first time they sat to meditate and I guess it’s only fitting to share my story.
I was in university at the time and came to know the dharma from a professor of political economy who has since passed on. Don’t ask me the link between political economy and buddhism, but somehow something in one of our conversations tipped him off that I should read Hesse’s ‘Siddhartha’. Did that and then started to seek out more. Picked up a copy of the Shambhala Sun with Buddha B-boy Ad Yauch on the cover and read about how meditation helped him out. Then I tried it… Felt weird at first. Sitting quiet isn’t something I’d been known for, but it felt soothing- THEN F@#$-IN SCARY. Where am I? Who am I? What kind of idiot sits still for 5-10-15 minutes BREATHING. I don’t think I’d ever given so much though to the lyrics of the ‘Meow Mix’ commercial.. and there it was- playing over and over in my mind.
That lasted approximately 86 seconds.
Meditating in public felt even wonkier. I wondered if I looked all blissed out- drooly and doe-eyed like those hippies in the ads for Samadhi Cushions. We first-timers were huddled together post-sitting to talk about our experiences. I wanted to share my loop of the Meow Mix song with the others- but smiled and ate my cookie and then went home feeling all proud of myself.
Next session.. not so proud.. Deflated.
And that story has continued for 11+ years. It’s like a love affair, unfolding, irritating, beautiful and a part of my life that I just can’t shake.
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You mean that that wasn’t you in the “Samadhi Cushions” ad? (BTW I don’t even know what Samadhi Cushions are
)