Who are you.. who who who who??
I’ve always been interested in spirituality/ philosophy and ethics, asking questions like- ‘what comes after?’, ‘who am I?’, ‘what am I here for?’ I guess I have a ‘hippy/new age’ kind of bent to me which is so odd considering I don’t really look like one of those long haired, crystal-wearing, batik-sportin’ spiritual seekers on the outside.
A recent podcast from Ethan Nichtern’s Be the Rigden entitled ‘What is the Self’ approached this subject and he spoke of how he was a hip hop kid in high school who wouldn’t be caught dead listening to Bob Dylan. Then in university, he evolved into the ‘Buddhist kid who wrote poetry’ (and who didn’t mind Bob Dylan). It was a great illustration of how the self is transient, changing and evolving. We cling so tightly to the ‘Tanya-ness’, the ‘Bob-ness’, ‘Jane-ness’, ‘Lochness’.. the titles we hold, the company we keep, the scene we identify with- but in the end, is this who we are?
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From many Buddhist readings, I’ve been taught that “self” is just an illusion. (shrugs) who knows?
I feel it sometimes when I’m sitting where I’m feeling like there is no solidness to grasp onto.
I’ve spent all these years identifiying with this self and yet in meditation, I sometimes lose all touch with what I’ve built up as ‘me’.