I am a voracious consumer of podcasts. Zillions of podcasts are just waiting to tickle my earbuds on a daily basis. I use Downcast to manage them all as it’s a pretty full feature “podcatcher” (I guess that’s what those in the know are calling this kind of tool).
I listen to a whole bunch of stuff. From comedy shows to psychology lectures and of course, the obligatory Buddhist podcasts to stay sharp. There’s one podcast that has really stood out for me lately in this bottomless feed and that’s one called Anxious and Angry. Yeah. Doesn’t sound very Buddhist huh? Stay with me. It kind of is without even knowing it.
It’s a show by Ryan Young (front man of the majestic punk rock band Off With Their Heads) which is a mix of punk rock music, glimpses into his life both on and off the road, interviews with folks in the scene and a listener participation segment with people writing or calling in asking Ryan for advice. The running thread through this podcast is Ryan’s bare honesty in speaking to the emotions he feels given his life experiences.- past and present. Much like the raw, rugged and heartfelt lyrics he writes, this podcast is a sort of behind the scenes of his joy, anger, sadness, frustration – you know, all the subject matter that’s currently making boatloads of cash with a certain Pixar movie.
All the favorite Buddhist themes are wrapped up in this podcast- old age, sickness, death, separation, suffering, seeing the joy in small moments, helping out others, being authentic. Yup it’s all in here. This is where I see it as a Buddhist podcast hosted by a angry and anxious, yet possibly atheist or agnostic guy.
This podcast is essential because the punk rock scene I think is only starting to embrace its ‘feels.’ For so long it had that angry, nihilistic outlook associated with it with only a few outliers who were speaking truth to the heart of the scene. There are damaged and hurt people in every group and sometimes that is what brings us to the communities we become a part of. Homophobia, sexism and racism have been both embraced and shunned by the punk rock community. I do hope that for every skinhead there’s a sharp skin. For every meathead singing about fucking and killing bitches, there’s another on stage singing about their single mom working 3 jobs to keep food in their family’s bellies. For every jerkface asshat beating up on a trans woman, there’s someone out there seeing Laura Jane Grace for the first time and recognizing that they too need to be their authentic self – before it kills them.
Beyond being entertaining and featuring awesome music and guests, this podcast is helping people to break the stigma around talking about mental illness and doing so much to encourage people to get help. It’s helping listeners discover the suffering that others are facing and brings a sense of empathy to the punk scene. Don’t get me wrong. It’s not a miserable show. It’s smart and funny and goofy too!
You should check it out if all this sounds like your kind of thing. If not, well then NPR have a great selection of podcasts as well!
Side note: Ryan has been printing up some great tshirts and I just happened to score this one right here.
- I like a Dave Matthews Band song.
- I have been crying more in the past 6 months in my entire lifetime and it feels amazing. Really.
- I’ve been doing a lot of self massage with tennis balls on my upper shoulders. Can’t recommend this enough.
- I am quite adept at keeping bamboo alive.
- My first boyfriend’s name was Praveen and he was awesome. We played with Hot Wheels during recess. Remember the cool little car suitcase for carrying dinky cars?
- I often have nightmares about flooding.
- Since my older dog passed, my younger pug has now been licking me all the time. Legs. Arms. Feet. Face. This is causing me to look up the cause of this on dog behavior sites. No clue what it means and chalking it up to me being saltier than usual.
- I sometimes wish I had a tail so that people could see how I feel. I’d be wagging it most times.
- I used to be a morning person but now I’m a night person. I wish I was a morning person again.
- I’ve been meditating more regularly than ever. Insert gold star emoji here.
- I have a serious case of fabric moths eating away at my clothes.
- I look horrible in grey.
- I’m not sure I will ever grow up.
- I want to know who you are.
Holy heck it’s June already!
Are you feeling it?
I hope wherever you are that the sun is shining on your pretty face and you have a nice cold drink chilling beside you. May you all be free from harm.
Let it be known that long ago I once almost killed my cousin and I by impaling us on a metal fence post by driving an ATV into a wire fence. This image above really resonates with me. I do hope nobody was harmed in the making of it and think that some videos should come with a disclaimer saying the person only merely suffered a bit of mild anxiety over motorbikes and fences since the accident.
Other than summertime memories of all the adventures that should have killed me as a child, I’ve been reading SO many self-helpey/psychology books. My current list includes:
- A few books by Jasmin Lee Cori
- Leaning Into Sharp Points by Stan Goldberg
- A re-read of everything by Mark Epstein (yes, everything)
I also did cheat and defied my earlier proclamation to read any Buddhist books with the plan to review them and devoured Susan Piver’s upcoming book Start Here Now: An Open-Hearted Guide to the Path and Practice of Meditation (Spoiler alert, it’s pretty darn good).
I want to share with you a Kickstarter that I believe so strongly in. Take an awesome dude with an awesome idea, add a pug (by far one of the most awesome breeds of dogs if I say so myself), mix in some punk rock fandom and plans to profile awesome bands and mix in a bit of healing work AND FRENCH FRIES and well… you have the makings of something that looks really cool. Kick in if you can and do please spread the word to help support this project.
Speaking of more cool projects, Miguel Chen and his crew have put together something I think you’ll like. Presenting…
Check out their Facebook Page and stay tuned for upcoming developments. Oh and if you haven’t watched it yet, Miguel’s video project for his yoga training is a must see. “Is Yoga Punk?”
So there you go. A few things that I wanted to share with you while I let an idea for something new with this blog percolate in my little mind. I’m in the early stages so I feel like this dude.
As a self-professed dog person (nothing against cats over here folks), I’m quite excited to hear about the new book A Puppy’s Path to Nirvana from Deke, The Dharma Dog. It’s a 29-lesson ebook, with Deke speaking throughout, explaining Buddha’s view of the world, his basic doctrines and practices, Buddhism’s early growth, and its development into a world religion. All of this is done in a fun and engaging way.
This sweet golden retriever will in his words –
speak to, and with, and about, many of the major figures in American Buddhism. I speak continually about my human family members, commenting on the Buddhists they visit, and who visit their home, and the arguments they make about their tradition. I critique the practices, and rituals, and expectations of American Buddhist communities, and of Buddhist scholars. Yet I am no fraidy cat. This Dharma Dog talks about sex, abuse of power, corruption, exploitation, and inflated egos. My language is straightforward, to the point, and explicit. And I know about the Internet too. I may not have had a well coordinated mouse-paw, but I sneaked into my father’s study every time I could, and took advantage of his long list of Buddhist “bookmarks” on the World Wide Web to up the ante for my Buddhist ruminations. At the end, after reading my prescriptions for Buddhist attainment that you would expect from a no-nonsense pooch, I hope you will, like me, attain nirvana.
There are enough of us human forms pontificating about Buddhism so now it’s time for a dog to give some bark and maybe a bit of bite.
You can find out more about Deke’s adventures on his Facebook page and be sure to check out the ebook or recommend it to a friend. As the video suggests, it would be ideal reading for those dog days of summer when there’s nothing better to do that sit with your furry little Buddha and read in the shade.
Unless they are lazy weirdos like my dog… Some dogs may take longer to become enlightened.
I had a mindblowingly glorious weekend friends. My dear, beloved teacher, Dzogchen Ponlop Rinpoche gave teachings in my adopted home of Montreal this past Friday and Saturday. We were all thrilled to have him back on the East Coast!
It was the first time I as able to see him IRL so I was filled with all the emotions. Excitement. Fear. Joy. Panic. Peace. Awe. Goofiness. Dread. Regret. Did I say joy? It was all in there. It’s funny how the mind can get caught up in all of the story lines. Expectations. Fears. And then – poof – the letting go happens and we realize we’re out of the present moment. Only to return. Again. Forget and remember.
The weekend’s program was on the topic of “Resting the Mind at Ease” which is quite delightful and appropriate given how little at ease my mind has been in the past bit.
Side note: I may start referring to this time as my “grey period.” Just has Picasso had a phase of including blue in all of his works, I was coloring my world with the color tints of “Inescapable Grey,” “Powdery Ennui,” and “Depressed Oystershell.” I think there were many splashes of “Fearful Flax” and a bit of “Anxious Auburn” tossed in there as contrasting colors in life’s big paint swatch. (Thanks Gemma Correll for the artsy inspiration!)
I’ve always been blown away by Rinpoche’s teachings – be they from my encounters with them through the Nalandabodhi curriculum, his books, mp3’s or videos. Much of my engagement had been via these channels so to be in the same room, hearing his voice and being surrounded by other members of my sangha was truly a wonderful experience.
Without fail, there were laughs and references to pop culture (Space Invaders, Spiderman and The Transporter were all name dropped during the weekend). I often think maybe this is what attracted me to Rinpoche’s style in the first place. His appreciation of the quirkiness of our Western pop culture filled with the movies, music and TV shows that he loves to indulge in, and on the other hand – the ancient wisdom tradition that he’s studied and practiced for so long. There is that balance and that specific approach that really resonates with me.
Side note number two: I had no idea that Dzogchen Ponlop Rinpoche loved Spiderman comics.
But I digress…
You know that feeling when you come across the very teachings, a book, a passage or that conversation that you needed right in that moment in the headspace you’re in? Well this weekend was all of that. Resting the Mind at Ease. YES PLEASE!
- A tickle fight with my mind.
- A prize fight with thoughts where some reign victorious and others lay outside of the ring, battered and beaten.
- A “Twilight Zone” episode where the same repeating thought comes back… and back again.. then gone.. THEN IT’S BACK! Don’t turn around. IT’S STILL THERE!
- Sleepy time.
- A TIME TO EXPLORE ALL CAPS PAIN!
- A period of deep introspection and analytical pursuit. Toss in the Heart Sutra while you’re at it!
What is this relaxation you speak of? It’s been some time since I’ve viewed meditation this way. Granted it’s also been some time that I’ve felt fully relaxed off the cushion as well.
Often I think back to a Shambhala weekend I attended where we were asked why we are still practicing? What is our motivation? What brings us to the cushion? Powerful questions and I remember quite vividly that my motivation first came from a desire to work to rid myself from suffering. The suffering had weakened over time, only to return with a vengeance and now is starting to release its hold on me – or is it my hold on it?
Seeing how when my mind is at ease, it’s easier to help others be at ease and free from suffering brings it all back home. This is why I practice.
Time to do the work – both on and off the cushion. After my grey period, I feel even more purposeful and motivated to be of benefit, live with intention and shoot out some webs of compassion. Pew Pew Pew.
I’m reading more than ever, but not the kind of books I’ve been traditionally spending time with. For a while I was spending time reading and commenting on the latest Buddhist reads circling around the publishing world. It was enjoyable and I was able to satisfy my love of reading this way.
Then some realizations started to hit me.
- Am I reading books that fulfill me?
- What is my intention or purpose in reading/reviewing so many books? Is this a goal-oriented behavior at play?
So I’m now letting go. A digital pile has started of books that I won’t be reviewing. I’m fine with this – despite what my “Type A, gotta do it, gotta get to it, you are a failure for not keeping up” self says. The book hoarder in me is also feeling a bit lost.
I’m becoming more mindful of what books I’ve decided to focus my attention on. The result is that I’ve been having a zillion Oprah ‘Ah ha’ moments after reading a passage in a book that I needed to read in that very moment. I’ve been finishing a book and realizing that I’ve highlighted every single line! I’ve wept over my Kindle. I’ve felt my heart open. I’ve photographed pieces of paragraphs that resonated and used them as screensavers. I’m a much more passionate reader given this new perspective.
A few weeks ago, I was talking with my therapist about my tendency to not want to step into the spotlight, but to prefer the stories of others and share their experiences.
“Hey look at the bravery of this guy! He’s admitting he’s fucked up and getting help. I love this!”
“Oh wow. Check out the compassion that they displayed in this YouTube clip.”
“Wanna check out a link to a great blog by a girl who is living her life through reviewing the books of other people because she is in so much pain, depressed as shit and is so scared to bare her own life and story out of fear of rejection, trolling, failure and an overall wish to not be seen?”
I’m rediscovering quite a bit these days and for those of you who initially followed this blog because it came from someone who was trying to dip a toe in being more authentic, more present, more honest… well… I’m back.
For the book reviews, I’m sure there are loads of great sites to check out. Here are a few suggestions.
He passed away on Monday after declining health due to old age. I am saddened to the core. My house is empty. His sounds are no longer present. Memories arise from seeing his socks, his leash, tufts of his fur. Choked by the sadness of missing him. Comforted in knowing he had a full and beautiful life. It’s a big roller coaster of emotion.
Seeing the nature of impermanence when you lose your best friend to old age and sickness. Touching in on the suffering that I feel. That we all feel. Exploring the nature of feeling sad, scared, lost, hurt, attached, overwhelmed, groundless.
This is the path. It’s not easy, but it’s the path.